A woman is able to conjure up superhuman strength when her child is in danger and when she wants to rearrange the furniture.
[child gets stuck in claw machine]
Me: [calls husband] “Hi honey, you’re not going to believe this, but I found us a babysitter for this evening.”
I just sighed so loud that my neighbor texted me, “What’s wrong?”
My children can go an entire day at home without a glass of water but only 30 seconds in the car before dehydration sets in.
My kids got to meet a fireman at dinner last night. How and why they got to meet a fireman is not important.
Me: “Guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”
7yo: “Do I need to wear shoes?”
[4 minutes later]
7yo: “What about pants?”
My husband better stop watching me back the car out of the driveway or I’ll hit the mailbox on purpose this time.
I just yelled at some kids to get off my lawn. They were my own kids, but they can find somewhere else to play like everybody else.
My mom gave the kids a 1,000 piece puzzle, so tonight, as a family, we will be putting together a list of nursing homes.
If your child walks out of the bathroom with a cup of water, always ask where the water came from. I know this now.