It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.
Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.
Me, to myself: I am a strong and independent woman. I’m perfectly capable of doing things by myself.
Me, to my toddler: I’m calling Santa.
Adulthood is about finding three things:
1. Purpose
2. Meaning
3. A place to sit down
Before I became a parent I had no idea there were so many different ways to count to 3.
Stages of going to bed:
1. I won’t stay up too late.
2. Oh no.
Is 5 years too long of a time to reconnect with an old friend to let them know you got home okay?
If it wasn’t for google photos I wouldn’t be reminded my husband has been wearing the same 3 shirts in rotation for 15 years.
My husband was yelling my name and I was yelling back “I’m in the basement” and my daughter started yelling “Can everyone stop yelling?” and my son then yelled “Why is everyone yelling?” and this is how we bond as a family.
My husband slowed down the car so he could check out someone’s well-manicured lawn. You see what I have to compete with?
Me: Why is Amazon showing me this?
Amazon: It’s 15% off.
Me: Well, in that case…
I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.
Me, leaving my child home alone: Call me if there’s an emergency.
My child, calling me 2 minutes later: Do you know where the Oreos are?
*gets period*
“So that’s why I’ve been in a mood for the last 24 days.”
You have to be careful with people. You give someone the wrong look and they’ll tell you their whole life story.