Taking a risk in my 20s: Skydiving
Taking a risk in my 30s: Throwing out a box of cords
Schools spent time teaching us things like quadratic formula and not how to split a check with one person who only has PayPal, someone who only has Venmo, another person who only has Zelle, and nobody has any cash.
Trying to find the $59 airfare advertised by Southwest is the adult version of Where’s Waldo.
A haunted house but for your spouse and lurking behind every corner is a larger and larger Amazon box.
My brain: Don’t worry. I’ll remember.
[1 MINUTE LATER]
My brain: So you’re not going to believe this…
Me, as a kid: Proud of myself for reading a 300 page book
Me, as an adult: Proud of myself for reading all 3 paragraphs of an email
Them: What year is your car?
Me: It’s brown.
Pros of a minivan: It can fit 5 kids.
Cons of a minivan: It can fit 5 kids.
My husband says our family will never get a pet but yesterday I walked in on him baby talking the roomba.
My teen’s stories have a beginning, middle, and I need $20.
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams.
Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams.
Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams.
No, I am not okay. Facebook just showed me something I posted 10 years ago.
How long will it take my husband to get to the acceptance part of the grief process after learning that the dryer he fixed 10 minutes ago is broken again?
My sister: *saying what name she has picked out for her baby*
My 10-year-old, in no uncertain terms telling her not to name her baby that: I met a horse with that name.
Son: Smell me. Do you think I should shower?
Me: Yes.
Son: But you didn’t smell me.
Me: Yes.