@mommywhitfield: Marriage is probably the least romantic thing you can do with another person.
Anyway, congrats on your engagement!
@mommywhitfield: Me: Ugh, these edibles are crap. I don't feel a thing.
Cockroach sitting next to me on the sofa: Tell me about it, sister.
@mommywhitfield: As the mother of two kids under 5, I'm always playing a game I call "Is this normal, or is my child a sociopath?"
@mommywhitfield: Apparently, "I understand why some animals eat their young," is not a socially acceptable answer when someone asks you how you're doing. Whatever.
@mommywhitfield: *Shaking Magic 8 Ball*
"Will I ever not feel tired again?"
*Magic 8 Ball erupts in hysterical laughter*
@mommywhitfield: I just want to be half as productive as my mom thinks she would be if she was me.
@mommywhitfield: Me: I just want to be the center of someone's universe
Also me: Not like that
@mommywhitfield: Me, getting murdered: Those had better not be my fabric scissors, buddy.