Funny Tweeter

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Page of mompsychologist's best tweets

@mompsychologist : Family stickers on cars are the parent version of prison tattoos.

@mompsychologist: 6yo has two pregnant Barbies and one Ken doll. You could cut the tension in the Barbie camper with a tiny stiletto.

@mompsychologist: Me: If you don't like my rules, maybe you can find a different mom.

4yo: *excitedly* Can we really do that?

@mompsychologist: Husband: So we've basically given up.

Me: On what?

H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting.

@mompsychologist: I've never been on Jeopardy, but I have put a 4yo to bed, so I know what it's like to be asked about things you never even heard of.

@mompsychologist: Sorry to all the people my 3yo has yelled at for eating ice cream in a car.

Telling him it was illegal was wrong. I know this now.

@mompsychologist: Me:"If you ever give me another gift with 'some assembly required', you're dead to us."

6:*writing thank you card* But, um..

Me: Write it!

@mompsychologist: 3yo: *follows me into bathroom*

Me: "Privacy, please"

3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door*

"Now we have privacy, Mommy"

@mompsychologist: 5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would "have a piece of cheese and calm down"

So, yeah, she's mine.

@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."