I bet a cool thing would be to play musical chairs using toilets and call it “Game of Thrones”.
Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be.
Before you move to Canada after Trump gets elected, just know that it’s May 13th and it’s currently snowing here.
“I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud”
I’m a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I’m Usain Bolt.
“7 minutes in heaven” but just me locked in the closet with this burrito.
For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.
If by “fetching” you mean “looks like I was dragged from the woods by a dog” then yes I look fetching.
“Sobbing” autocorrected to “throbbing” and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
“So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?”
-me to everyone at Starbucks.