@moose_chocolate: Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be.
@moose_chocolate: Before you move to Canada after Trump gets elected, just know that it's May 13th and it's currently snowing here.
@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.
@moose_chocolate: "7 minutes in heaven" but just me locked in the closet with this burrito.
@moose_chocolate: For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.
@moose_chocolate: If by "fetching" you mean "looks like I was dragged from the woods by a dog" then yes I look fetching.
@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
@moose_chocolate: "So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?"
-me to everyone at Starbucks.