I’ve always loved Batman cause I also blame my entire personality on my parents.
Parents are like “i don’t want my teen having sex” and i get it. I had sex as a teen and now every full moon I turn into a giant sex
Please respect my privacy during this time. Nothing happened I just don’t want to talk to anyone.
*eats 3 edibles*
…am….am I my dogs sugar daddy
Cashier: do you want cash back?
Me: I mean who wouldn’t. There’s ring of fire, I walk the line. Let’s not forget his christmas album
Sometimes I feel doomed in dating, but then a random internet man with a profile pic of Deadpool writes “that’s cause u havent been with me yet ;)” and I am filled with joy and hope
Game Show Host: if you were stranded on an island with no people, what–
Me: omg yes
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: TYPHOID FEVER
Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi?
Ma’am, that’s a crockpot.
Little Mermaid: I want to be where the people are
Me: trust me u dont