@msdanifernandez

I’ve always loved Batman cause I also blame my entire personality on my parents.

@msdanifernandez

Parents are like “i don’t want my teen having sex” and i get it. I had sex as a teen and now every full moon I turn into a giant sex

@msdanifernandez

Please respect my privacy during this time. Nothing happened I just don’t want to talk to anyone.

@msdanifernandez

Cashier: do you want cash back?
Me: I mean who wouldn’t. There’s ring of fire, I walk the line. Let’s not forget his christmas album

@msdanifernandez

Sometimes I feel doomed in dating, but then a random internet man with a profile pic of Deadpool writes “that’s cause u havent been with me yet ;)” and I am filled with joy and hope

@msdanifernandez

Game Show Host: if you were stranded on an island with no people, what–
Me: omg yes

@msdanifernandez

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: TYPHOID FEVER