him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens
[takes out telescope to watch comet]
*on death bed*
priest: any regrets my child?
*montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn’t try to ride it*
My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
him: i love you
me: im saving my emotions for the star wars premiere
No mom, I can’t date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well…*whispers* he got Daredevil.
[dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend
Defense: I have a boyfriend
*conducting job interview* And what would you say your biggest weakness is? Other than that haircut.
I can’t. I’m busy tonight. I have to do laundry and block everyone who takes their engagement photos in a barn.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart