We say “life is short,” but really, most of us expect to die in old age. This expectation exposes our fear of death, not our understanding of life. Life doesn’t have a knowable length or a right length. It ends when it ends.
Cashier: So… you don’t want fries?
Me: No, I do.
The best thing about microchipping my cat is that I connected him to my ApplePay account and now I can use him to pay for things when I forget my wallet.
GUY WHO INVENTED STEW:
I wish this plate of meat & vegetables was damp.
I have been vegan for 11 years, but I was pinched by a crab today, and I feel it is only fair that I be allowed to eat one (1) of them as retribution.
Everyone who lined up 30 minutes early to board the plane is gonna be so mad when we all land at the same time.
The thing about eating broken cookies is there’s no way to know how many you had.
“You ate the whole ba-”
THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW.
Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.