“I don’t know what else to say…”
Me, giving my husband false hope
People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman.
Anything I accomplish before I finish my first cup of coffee has been fueled by rage.
Her: I’m running a little late.
M: how many more seconds er I mean yeah sure take your time.
Me, trying to play it cool with the babysitter
Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to “make elephant! Now teapot!” As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball.
Got fast food so many times this week that when mcd’s asked me to pull out front to wait for my order, I was expecting an intervention.
What’s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick?
Asking for my two year old.
I like to slip a Honey Boo Boo episode in every once in awhile to remind my husband that it could be worse.
Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
You Shook Me All Night Long is a great song that also describes what I do to my husband when he’s snoring.