Just discovered my 7yo wearing his underwear backwards again. Playing classical music while pregnant is bullshit.
8yo: ….Punches 6yo in the face.
Me: Woah,what the hell was that for?
8yo: He knows.
Just told my two kids that I love them both equally and the one with his shoes on the wrong feet totally bought it.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent. I would have to say it’s the kids.
“Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs.”
“Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?”
8yo: Do we have a fire extinguisher?
6yo: (from outside) It’s spreading.
Me: I’m up.
No thank you GPS.I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger’s seat who knows everything