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Page of mydmac's best tweets

@mydmac : Just remember, we are all just 1 small prescription away from riding a unicorn.

@mydmac: I don't hate children, just yours.

@mydmac: I've been taking anti-performance enhancing drugs and according to my life they're working really well.

@mydmac: I have absolutely no problem following the juice diet for 3 days. You can fit a pizza in the juicer right?

@mydmac: *breaking up with BF

I'll never forget you David.

'My name is Jason'

Goodbye John.

@mydmac: What does it mean when your doctor slaps the beer from your hand?

@mydmac: When people dig up a grave in the movies it's always so fast. It usually takes me days.

@mydmac: Boss: You can't or you won't do it?

Me: Yes

@mydmac: When I get naked in front of a man for the first time I never do it slowly and seductively, that would just give him time to get away.

@mydmac: *uneasily answers phone

'Guess who?'

David?

'No'

John?

'No'

Mike?

'No'

Steve?

'No, I made you very happy the other night'

Haagen Daz?

'NO'

Pizza Hut?