Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@nPhelendriqal : This looks like a job for..
*I rip open my jacket*
Jacket Repair Man!
*I sew my jacket back together*
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@nPhelendriqal: "Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint." - mafia spelling bee.
@nPhelendriqal: Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as "Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang."
@nPhelendriqal: "I'll have what she's having."
" Sir, this is a gynecolo-"
"Shhhh.. *puts finger over Dr's lips* I said I'll have what she's having."
@nPhelendriqal: Blood is thicker than water, but rhinoceros poop is thicker than blood, so..
@nPhelendriqal: I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren't really my 'thing'.
@nPhelendriqal: :# <--- emoticon for "I'm eating a brillo pad"
@nPhelendriqal: No autocorrect, I don't want to bang a bunch of hot chimps.
@nPhelendriqal: I don't smoke to be cool, I smoke so no one asks me to hold their baby.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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