@nachosarah
apparently this year was written by stephen king
@nachosarah
@nachosarah
I want to give away free lab coats on the streets and turn our city’s homeless problem into its crazy doctor problem
@nachosarah
IF A CAN OPENER DOESN’T WORK IS IT CALLED A CAN’T OPENER
@nachosarah
my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone’s having a party
@nachosarah
my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone’s having a party
@nachosarah
the only reason you should be showing me pictures of your kids is if they’re missing or you want them to be
@nachosarah
my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone’s having a party
@nachosarah
when I see a girl tie a cherry stem with her tongue I put a whole fish in my mouth and pull out the skeleton then I leave with her boyfriend
@nachosarah
when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak
@nachosarah
why do people live in regular houses when there are steakhouses