Her: I froze my eggs.
Me: ??? ??? ??????
Someone greased my downward spiral.
Living well is the best revenge. Hitting them with your car is a close second, though.
Life is short. Hug your children. Hug your neighbor’s children. Hug the pretty cashier at the dry cleaner. Hug the arresting officer.
I love hoodies because maybe I work out, maybe I ate 4 whole large pizzas last week. You don’t know.
Her: “If you can’t handle me at my-”
Me: “I’m going to stop you right there. I can’t. It’s fine.”
I just saw I bio that said, “22 and happily married,” and all I can think is hoo boy are YOU going to be in for a big surprise when you become an adult.
This website is free. It only costs you your mental health and you weren’t doing anything with that anyway.
Wife: “We’ve had too many children. Where will they all sleep?”
Husband: “I don’t know. Just stack ’em in the corners or something.”
– how bunk beds were invented
If there was a problem, yo, I caused it.