Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of nappydolemite's best tweets

@nappydolemite : Her: I froze my eggs.

Me: ᶦᶜᵉ ᶦᶜᵉ ᵇᵃᵇᶦᵉˢ

@nappydolemite: Living well is the best revenge. Hitting them with your car is a close second, though.

@nappydolemite: Life is short. Hug your children. Hug your neighbor's children. Hug the pretty cashier at the dry cleaner. Hug the arresting officer.

@nappydolemite: I love hoodies because maybe I work out, maybe I ate 4 whole large pizzas last week. You don't know.

@nappydolemite: Her: "If you can't handle me at my-"

Me: "I'm going to stop you right there. I can't. It's fine."

@nappydolemite: I just saw I bio that said, "22 and happily married," and all I can think is hoo boy are YOU going to be in for a big surprise when you become an adult.

@nappydolemite: This website is free. It only costs you your mental health and you weren't doing anything with that anyway.

@nappydolemite: Wife: "We've had too many children. Where will they all sleep?"

Husband: "I don't know. Just stack 'em in the corners or something."

- how bunk beds were invented