Parents who say they’re going to the store for smokes and never return, what’s wrong with you? It’s your house. Send the kids for smokes and change the locks.
The sequel to The Sound of Music starts with Maria and Capt. Von Trapp, cold and hungry, huddled together in the middle of the Alps making a list of the order in which to eat the children.
If you or someone you love have gone to work today, you may be entitled compensation.
If you’re not part of the solution, I might need to add more solvent.
Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.
Used to tell my kids that I had underwear older than them but now that the kids are 21 and 24, I’ve stopped. Also, to be fair, they’re not much more than waistbands now.
Nobody needed expensive gym memberships in the 70s. They had rotary dial phones.
My boss: So… [dramatic pause]
Me, uncomfortable with silence: …a needle pulling thread?
Can’t feed an old dog new Trix.
Trix are for kids.