My son’s grandparents
They give me a heads up on what they are sending him each year
Aaand I pretend I knew it was his birthday and didn’t forget again.
*hears that my 89 year old neighbor is in a nursing home now*
Flashlight, rubber gloves, and off I go for that shower chair!
SO! If the Englandy people are called English
Then us Americany people should be called Americish
That is all
I have it on good authority those zombie movies are fake!
Because! A body goes in to rigamortis! It doesn’t just skip that part!
Ignore all the hissing and growling coming from my room
I’ve decided it’s cuddle time whether my cat likes it or not.
I just realized
All italian foods and drinks end in an “I”
You know what? I don’t like your tone. I’d like a new person please
911 operator – ma’am, police are almost there ju….
Me – LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
DM – omg tazz long time no speak
Me – hi (who are you?)
DM – How have you been?
Me – okay I’m gonna need you to show me all your Avis since 2013
I want to be that grandma someday that everyone is afraid to take out in public.