@noogscorner: According to the Internet:

Xbox One
- $500.
- Weaker hardware.
- Mandatory daily check-in.
- Requires Kinect.
- DRM.

PS4
- Cures cancer.

@noogscorner: Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?

@noogscorner: Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend.
Step 2) Text "Medusa's excited to meet you."
Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.

@noogscorner: Noah: A boat?

God: Yes.

Noah: Two of every animal?

God: Yes.

Noah: I have a better idea.

God: What.

Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone.

@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...

@noogscorner: Alien 1: What are the Humans doing?

Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers.

Alien 1: I ate my mother.

Alien 2: As did I.

@noogscorner: Cop: License and registration please.

Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk.

Cop: Sir, have you been drinking?

Me: No.

@noogscorner: Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way.

@noogscorner: Good Friday. No. Stop, I said no. NO. BAD FRIDAY. BAD.