@noogscorner: According to the Internet:
- Weaker hardware.
- Mandatory daily check-in.
- Requires Kinect.
- Cures cancer.
@noogscorner: Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?
@noogscorner: Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend.
Step 2) Text "Medusa's excited to meet you."
Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.
@noogscorner: Noah: A boat?
Noah: Two of every animal?
Noah: I have a better idea.
Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone.
@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
@noogscorner: Alien 1: What are the Humans doing?
Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers.
Alien 1: I ate my mother.
Alien 2: As did I.
@noogscorner: Cop: License and registration please.
Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk.
Cop: Sir, have you been drinking?
@noogscorner: Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way.