I wonder if clouds look down on us and say shit like “That one’s shaped like an idiot.”
According to the Internet:
– Weaker hardware.
– Mandatory daily check-in.
– Requires Kinect.
– Cures cancer.
Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?
Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend.
Step 2) Text “Medusa’s excited to meet you.”
Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.
Noah: A boat?
Noah: Two of every animal?
Noah: I have a better idea.
Noah: Maybe don’t kill everyone.
Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper “Perfect. Master will love you.” This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace…
Alien 1: What are the Humans doing?
Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers.
Alien 1: I ate my mother.
Alien 2: As did I.
Cop: License and registration please.
Me: Give me a second, I’m drunk.
Cop: Sir, have you been drinking?
Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It’s all like waaaaaat no way.
Good Friday. No. Stop, I said no. NO. BAD FRIDAY. BAD.