Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of NoogsCorner's best tweets

@NoogsCorner : An ancient tribe of homosapiens split off from the rest and stared at the sun for thousands of years. Today we call them Asians.

@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."

@NoogsCorner: Cop: Why are your eyes bloodshot?

Me: My girlfriend dumped me and I was crying...

Cop: Oh.

Me: ...so I smoked weed to feel better.

@NoogsCorner: Take Dr. Seuss, make him a black midget with chronic asthma and give him access to Urban Dictionary. Behold, Lil' Wayne.

@NoogsCorner: Nickelback jokes are the Nickelback of jokes.

@NoogsCorner: Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth.

Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that.

Me: Go home.

@NoogsCorner: Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?

@NoogsCorner: After drinking that much, I just hope whatever I bring back home is some sort of human.

@NoogsCorner: Guys, check out this cool trick I learned. Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip. Now keep them like that.

@NoogsCorner: *notices it's not even 8am*nn*been tweeting like a boss...*nn*...to 5 insomniacs*