@not_delicate
I convinced my husband to start going to the gym, and now he’s all in shape and looking hot!!
So… any takers?
@not_delicate
@not_delicate
Dance like everyone is watching and secretly recording you in a video that is bound to go viral for all the wrong reasons
@not_delicate
Do something that scares you every single day.
And you’ll probably die of a heart attack in a week.*inspirational
@not_delicate
husband: Just tell me, is there someone else?
me: Of course not, Jim! What makes you think that?
husband: Well for starters, I’m David.
@not_delicate
If someone tells you they’re burning for you, toss a pitcher of water in their face.
@not_delicate
*Carefully measures exactly one serving of potato chips into bowl.
*hands bowl to child, eats the rest
@not_delicate
A 3 year old at my son’s preschool asked me who’s grandma I am, so yes I’m getting botox Monday.
@not_delicate
Stick a fork in me so you know just how done we are
@not_delicate
Me: I close my office door every day and nap for an hour without anyone noticing.
Interviewer: I’m not sure I’d call that a ‘strength.’
@not_delicate
Him: (sobbing) just tell me why you’re leaving me
Me: I’m just not ready for a serious relationship
Him: but… we’re married
Me: yeah I gotta go