I convinced my husband to start going to the gym, and now he’s all in shape and looking hot!!
So… any takers?
Dance like everyone is watching and secretly recording you in a video that is bound to go viral for all the wrong reasons
Do something that scares you every single day.
And you’ll probably die of a heart attack in a week.
husband: Just tell me, is there someone else?
me: Of course not, Jim! What makes you think that?
husband: Well for starters, I’m David.
If someone tells you they’re burning for you, toss a pitcher of water in their face.
*Carefully measures exactly one serving of potato chips into bowl.
*hands bowl to child, eats the rest
A 3 year old at my son’s preschool asked me who’s grandma I am, so yes I’m getting botox Monday.
Stick a fork in me so you know just how done we are
Me: I close my office door every day and nap for an hour without anyone noticing.
Interviewer: I’m not sure I’d call that a ‘strength.’
Him: (sobbing) just tell me why you’re leaving me
Me: I’m just not ready for a serious relationship
Him: but… we’re married
Me: yeah I gotta go