@notsoevilrick

My fiancee knows that I would kill for her, and it’s really annoying that she hasn’t asked me to yet.

@notsoevilrick

Unless you refer to it as either a shindig or a hootenanny, I will not be attending your party.

@notsoevilrick

I hope my dog doesn’t turn out weird because she’s being homeschooled.

@notsoevilrick

My therapist says my little dragon friend isn’t real. But, my little dragon friend says my therapist isn’t real, and I’ve known her longer.