My teenager just got mad at me about something he THINKS his brother MIGHT say to him later.
Children are a blessing.
I will piledrive the next kid who puts on a shitty movie then leaves the room.
If you have trouble sleeping, you’re destined to marry someone who falls asleep in 10 seconds and will hate them for it.
*RSVP’ing to Christmas party*
Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate?
Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT