@nottheworstmom

My teenager just got mad at me about something he THINKS his brother MIGHT say to him later.

Children are a blessing.

@nottheworstmom

I will piledrive the next kid who puts on a shitty movie then leaves the room.

@nottheworstmom

If you have trouble sleeping, you’re destined to marry someone who falls asleep in 10 seconds and will hate them for it.

@nottheworstmom

*RSVP’ing to Christmas party*

Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate?

Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT