Them: oh I was just talking about you!
Me, jokingly: nothing bad I hope? Ha ha
Alanis: I’m ready for this knife fight!
*Pulls out 10000 spoons*
My parents: before you leave the house you should always go pee!
Me, as a kid:. No! I don’t need to go!
Me, in my 40’s: yeah I see what you mean!
If there’s one think I’ve learned from twitter it’s to never be near an American and a wood chipper
I tried to spell perseverance but I gave up in the end
[first time at a rave]
These M&Ms make my hair follicles feel weird
if they ever legalise drugs, Nestle definitely need to make a KitKet
Some would call it a well set out plan for the future.
The judge, however called it compelling evidence
When Americans say Math instead of Maths I find it so damn exy
In Scooby Doo, 2021 they’re not allowed to remove the mask at the end