@nutsaremixed

Them: oh I was just talking about you!

Me, jokingly: nothing bad I hope? Ha ha

Them:

Me: oh

@nutsaremixed

Alanis: I’m ready for this knife fight!

*Pulls out 10000 spoons*

@nutsaremixed

My parents: before you leave the house you should always go pee!

Me, as a kid:. No! I don’t need to go!

Me, in my 40’s: yeah I see what you mean!

@nutsaremixed

If there’s one think I’ve learned from twitter it’s to never be near an American and a wood chipper

@nutsaremixed

[first time at a rave]

These M&Ms make my hair follicles feel weird

@nutsaremixed

if they ever legalise drugs, Nestle definitely need to make a KitKet

@nutsaremixed

Some would call it a well set out plan for the future.

The judge, however called it compelling evidence

*eye roll*

@nutsaremixed

In Scooby Doo, 2021 they’re not allowed to remove the mask at the end