Funny Tweeter

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Page of nyquills's best tweets

@nyquills : [Pokémon Pitch]

Writer: pet training with wild animals

Exec: thats already a thing

Writer: kids are the trainers

Exec: seems irresponsible

Writer: they keep them in magic balls until it's time to fight for scout badges or something

Exec: why

Writer: unclear

Exec: tight

@nyquills: Dumbledore: the mirror of erised shows your deepest desires.

Harry: *tearing up* i'm with my mom

Snape: omg same

@nyquills: Me: this horror movie is completely unrealistic.

Wife: shhh

Me: the main characters are so stupid look at them walking into an obvious trap.

Wife: shut up and watch

Me: bet she's a witch and he was under a spell the whole ti-

Wife: ffs it's our wedding video!

@nyquills: he was a gator boy
she said catch you later boy
she was with animal control

@nyquills: Wife: we need to talk about your childish behavior.

Me:

Wife:

Me:

Wife: *sigh* we need to talk about your childish behavior... Over.

Me: *clicking walkie talkie* please bring a PBJ up to the tree house and we'll negotiate, over.

@nyquills: [my first exorcism]

Possesed girl: *contorting body like a spider owl hybrid *

Me: weird flex but okay let's get started

@nyquills: [Batman picking a catchphrase]

Bruce: what's good for the Bruce is good for the Gander

Alfred: nothing to do with bats/gives away your identity

Bruce: i'mma throw two Bruce's up on crime

Alfred: *rubbing temples* how about "i'm Batman"

Bruce: you're cruising for a Bruce-ing

@nyquills: Realtor: this house is cursed

Me: *scared of the supernatural* oh no

Realtor: WITH AN EXTREMLY REASONABLE MARKET PRICE

Me: oh ok

Realtor: on account of the bleeding walls and ritual sacrifices

Me: Oh No

@nyquills: Prof. Oak: you get to travel the world

Ash: i'm a kid

Oak: catch a wild animal to protect you

Ash: that sounds dangerous

Oak: keep it caged in a ball

Ash: kinda harsh

Oak: catch'em all

Ash: you okay bro

Oak: *grabs Ash by the collar* USE THEM TO BEAT UP OTHER PEOPLES PETS

@nyquills: 21 year old me: i'll have my shit together when im 31

31 year old me: lmao nope