Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of o__0Dev's best tweets

@o__0Dev : I'm allergic to bears. One bear bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

@o__0Dev: Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he’s being told where to deliver the ransom money.

@o__0Dev: Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I'm seeing somebody.

@o__0Dev: Whenever someone says, "that's what she said", I like to reply with, "not to you"

@o__0Dev: Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I'm done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.

@o__0Dev: It took years for my gf to get me to put down the toilet seat. Though, I really don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.

@o__0Dev: I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!

@o__0Dev: Not sure if I want buns of steel, or buns of cinnamon.

@o__0Dev: Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.

@o__0Dev: I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it.