Today is apparently Ash Wednesday which I can only assume has something to do with our hero from the hit TV show Pokémon.
A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded “I don’t post pictures of my food online” and I think she believed me.
While never officially canonized by a Pope, Saint Patrick is widely recognized as the patron saint of Slytherin.
Sorry I commented on that video of your kid taking his first steps with “aw look you taught it how to walk on its hind legs!”
[Brings a snowball to a work meeting and tosses it at boss] I’m not trying to disprove the theory of global warming I just don’t like you.
When your friend tells you she’s thinking about adopting and you get really disappointed when you find out she means a human.
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my Sven.” -Kristoff
50 Shades of Grey is also the title of the 101 Dalmatians alternate ending where Cruella wins and makes a coat out of the puppies.
I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
I would’ve been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said “I don’t do romance” I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE
If Elsa could bring snow to life why didn’t she make herself some pets? I’d have like 50 snowcats by now.
I’ve been clicking “remind me later” on this work software update for 2 years when is he going to get the hint that I’m not interested?
If we get to have sex with our valentines on Valentine’s Day I can’t wait until Presidents’ Day.
My white cat has been beating up my black cat a lot lately so I guess he’s been reading the news and knows he won’t get punished for it.
I reply to “Happy New Year” with “not if I have anything to do with it.”