@ohpeetie

[ new burger joint ]

Me: I hear this place has the best burgers in town

Waitress: Yeah, and we make our own ketchup

Me: *leaves*

@ohpeetie

No thanks, diet. I don’t trust words that are 75% die.

@ohpeetie

Boyfriend planted watermelon seedlings in our garden. I just bought a watermelon to put beside his plant before he wakes up tomorrow.

@ohpeetie

Teaching my 9yo to sew. She’s going to make a great wife to someone in 1836.

@ohpeetie

Today on Facebook:

1) Jen feels betrayed but doesn’t want to talk about it
2) Kim started a prayer circle
3) Lori posted 87 recipes

@ohpeetie

You think you understand people and then you see a car with eyelashes on the headlights.

@ohpeetie

It’s 27 outside. Oh great, even the weather is younger and cooler than me now.

@ohpeetie

A bug zapper, but for people trying to come into my office.

@ohpeetie

[ Boyfriend walks into the room ]

Well, well, well….if it isn’t the boy who tried to break up with me in a dream last night.

@ohpeetie

[ during job interview ]

– “Why do you think you would make a good asset to our team?”

– “I give up, why?”