@ohpeetie

– “Did you know you can make a pizza crust out of cauliflower?”

– “I’m going to reactivate my Facebook so I can unfriend you there too”

@ohpeetie

10: What’s it like being a grown up?

Me [hands her money]: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn.

10: This is only $2

M: Exactly

@ohpeetie

Boyfriend is talking about taking me on a camping trip. Like, a real one where we’ll sleep in a tent and pee outside.

Is he mad at me?

@ohpeetie

Cop: “Can you describe the person who robbed you?”

Me: “He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee”

@ohpeetie

My hobbies include reading books, eating snacks, and sending emails referencing attachments without the attachments.

@ohpeetie

I feel sorry for kids today but mostly because their cartoons are terrible.