well this was fun.
last year, i went on a date with a dude and when i told him i was reading Animal Farm again, he laughed obnoxiously for an entire minute and said i was too old to be reading children’s books.
i think about that a lot.
…i wonder if he’s still an idiot.
my 3 year old kept saying she “wants a spirit guest & needs a spirit guest” and “has a spirit guest” and like 4 exorcisms later, i realized she was just talking about asparagus.
If you wanna know what it’s like to have kids, just dump everything you own on the floor and tell the air to clean it up.
Spoiler: the air doesn’t clean jack shit…just like children.
Hey baby, are you climate change? Cuz I believe in you.
Whenever I can’t sleep, I always end up eating like 37 snacks in bed.
It’s called insom-nom-nom-nia.