Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of om_eye_goodness's best tweets

@om_eye_goodness : If you wanna know what it’s like to have kids, just dump everything you own on the floor and tell the air to clean it up.

Spoiler: the air doesn’t clean jack shit...just like children.

@om_eye_goodness: Whenever I can’t sleep, I always end up eating like 37 snacks in bed.

It’s called insom-nom-nom-nia.

@om_eye_goodness: Hey bowl,
I dgaf if you’re not dishwasher safe.
I’m a mom of three. I got shit to do.
You’re goin in.

May the odds be ever in your favor.