If at first you don’t like the beard on your face, don’t worry; it will eventually grow on you.
He has found a brilliant way to automatically keep all the horses warm, fed, and clean.
He’s a stable genius.
An eskimo sitting in a kayak was chilly. He lit a fire. Unsurprisingly the kayak sank. Moral: You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
The new iPhone 7 is just a slower, heavier, thicker, and much less attractive version of the iPhone 8.
Cop (catches me with a bag of marijuana, a dead duck and a dead crow): Sir, what were you doing?
Me: Killing two birds while being stoned.
I remember the exact moment growing up when I came to know that a babysitter was not someone who sat on babies.
What’s the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?
Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive.
2143: Everyone is dead b/c the vegans couldn’t tell anyone else that they were vegan.