@omerwahaj

If at first you don’t like the beard on your face, don’t worry; it will eventually grow on you.

@omerwahaj

He has found a brilliant way to automatically keep all the horses warm, fed, and clean.

He’s a stable genius.

@omerwahaj

An eskimo sitting in a kayak was chilly. He lit a fire. Unsurprisingly the kayak sank. Moral: You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

@omerwahaj

The new iPhone 7 is just a slower, heavier, thicker, and much less attractive version of the iPhone 8.

@omerwahaj

Cop (catches me with a bag of marijuana, a dead duck and a dead crow): Sir, what were you doing?

Me: Killing two birds while being stoned.

@omerwahaj

I remember the exact moment growing up when I came to know that a babysitter was not someone who sat on babies.

@omerwahaj

What’s the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?

@omerwahaj

Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive.

2143: Everyone is dead b/c the vegans couldn’t tell anyone else that they were vegan.