Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of omically's best tweets

@omically : a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread

@omically: [dentist chair]
how's school?
*I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth*
oh sorry
*puts hand in my mouth*
how's school?

@omically: "Gary give me the gun"
"I thought you had it"
"I TOLD you to bring it"
"I didn't"
"who brought the getaway car?"
-Disorganized crime

@omically: I'm not transphobic, I used to play with toy locomotives all the time!

@omically: saying "we won" after watching a sports game is like saying "we played really well" after watching a concert

@omically: Honey, I'm afraid we can't get married anymore. weed_hitler69 just told me I was gay.
*looks at Xbox*
Thank you sir. You've changed my life.