Funny Tweeter

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Page of online_shawn's best tweets

@online_shawn : One thing I like about hiking is taking an uber to the woods and saying thanks and getting out of the car and disappearing into the trees as if I have an appointment somewhere deep in the forest

@online_shawn: I hold my phone up to the sunset. So pretty. I'm going to share this with everyone, I say. The year is 1964. I'm completely insane

@online_shawn: Last night I went to a hardware store with my dad and a lady was leaving the store with a shovel and my dad yelled UH OH SHOVEL TIME at her

@online_shawn: I know it's so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks

@online_shawn: Pardon the mess, the dog startled me and I threw my shrimp scampi into the ceiling fan

@online_shawn: I'm open to change but not when it's sudden like Stephen Colbert getting new glasses with no warning