@oscarewilde

[Wild West car dealership]
cowboy: what kind of car do you sell?
dealer: audi
cowboy: yeah hi what kind of car do you sell?

@oscarewilde

kate bush: [running up that road]
me, a personal trainer: okay
kate bush: [running up that hill]
me: alright
kate bush: [running up that building]
me: kate

@oscarewilde

[therapists office]
my wife: i have a fear of giants
me: she has f-
marriage counsellor:
me:
my wife: don’t you dare say it
me: Feefiphobia

@oscarewilde

doctor: do you have any questions?
me: would a lucky talisman made of eggs be called an omulette?
doctor: i meant about your antidepressants