@ozzyunc
Corgis are great when you want a wolf that’s a loaf of bread.
@ozzyunc
@ozzyunc
The Rubik’s Cube’s already solved when you buy it so there’s really no reason to touch it.
@ozzyunc
You’re using so many filters I had to make coffee with a folded paper towel.
@ozzyunc
I understand cicadas because I too go out once every 17 years & just wanna scream the whole time.
@ozzyunc
Star Wars spoke to me because I’d rather join a cult than do farm chores.
@ozzyunc
It’s a beautiful day to go to the park & watch an owl carry off a Pomeranian.
@ozzyunc
You’re a star. Unfortunately it’s Patrick from SpongeBob.
@ozzyunc
Zombie movies are fun because you get to see dead bodies find joggers for once.
@ozzyunc
Today is the anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster: the biggest explosion of hot air before the Internet.
@ozzyunc
Coyote: Top Speed 43 mph
Roadrunner: Top Speed 26 mphMy childhood was a lie.