Corgis are great when you want a wolf that’s a loaf of bread.
The Rubik’s Cube’s already solved when you buy it so there’s really no reason to touch it.
You’re using so many filters I had to make coffee with a folded paper towel.
I understand cicadas because I too go out once every 17 years & just wanna scream the whole time.
Star Wars spoke to me because I’d rather join a cult than do farm chores.
It’s a beautiful day to go to the park & watch an owl carry off a Pomeranian.
You’re a star. Unfortunately it’s Patrick from SpongeBob.
Zombie movies are fun because you get to see dead bodies find joggers for once.
Today is the anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster: the biggest explosion of hot air before the Internet.
Coyote: Top Speed 43 mph
Roadrunner: Top Speed 26 mph
My childhood was a lie.