@parkersJoking

[at Dr. appointment]

Dr.: yeah looks like you have too much acid in your diet.

Me: JESUS CHRIST DOC YOUR FACE IS MELTING

@parkersJoking

Right now the parents of the kid who climbed Trump Tower are thinking “Damn I knew we shouldn’t have given him that REI gift card”

@parkersJoking

If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it’s best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad