Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of patnelke's best tweets

@patnelke : My superpower is turning food and drink into larger pants.

@patnelke: My kids have voted, and the results are in. It's official, I've been elected the President of Empty Threats.

@patnelke: My sleeping pills say don't mix with alcohol, but drop it in the glass and it dissolves just fine. Doctors think they know everything.

@patnelke: Let my son leave the house today wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts. I'm done, he's natural selections problem now.