@patrickmarkryan

On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean

@patrickmarkryan

If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet

@patrickmarkryan

Two drivers crash into each other. They both finish writing their texts before getting out of their cars to inspect the damage

@patrickmarkryan

*filming the Buick commercial with Matthew McConaughey* “the leather keeps sticking to my back” “for the last time Matt keep ur shirt on”

@patrickmarkryan

You’re not impressing anyone, people who put a comma before the person’s name when wishing them a happy birthday on Facebook

@patrickmarkryan

Radio Shack would have filed for bankruptcy years ago but they’ve been trying to do it using dial-up internet