@pattonoswalt

“Just make sure Nazis NEVER march with tiki torches. I’m trying to save Germany, not Gilligan’s Island.” — Hitler’s last words

@pattonoswalt

I hate all the “creepy clown” news. I’m having a clown solidarity march at dusk near an abandoned insane asylum. Need a calliope player.

@pattonoswalt

Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you’re Iron Man. What could it hurt?

@pattonoswalt

“Snowmageddon”? We can do better, Twitter.

#SnowCountryForOldMen
#ISnowWhatYouDidLastWinter
#SnowMommaFromTheTrain
#Snowverfield