* asks plastic surgeon
” can you make me look like this Snapchat filter minus the crown of flowers?”
If you add ‘ish’ on the end of the time, you’re not really late.
Hey guy in your car behind me, Your honking isn’t going to make me type any faster.
Telling my daugthers date that “she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her.”
*Correct way to parent.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say “I think we lost them.”