*calls lost & found*

Me: Have you seen my patience?

L&F: Hold on a second.

Me: *click*


Coworker: Stop

Me: collaborate and listen

Coworker: Don’t

Me: you forget about me

Coworker: Hey!

Me: teacher, leave them kids alone


I’ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo.


A car gets better traction in the snow if you throw a couple of coworkers in the trunk.


Just because I’m smiling doesn’t necessarily mean that I like you. I might be picturing you on fire.


Dogs have a tendency to bark just to hear themselves bark. Reminds me of some people I know.