@perlhack

i’ve eaten so many carbs during quarantine, my blood sugar is now regulated by pancakereas

@perlhack

Regular gangs give you a nickname

Rich people gangs give you a Nicholas Name

@perlhack

Evolution sometimes moves forward due to tiny differences making one species less competitive

For instance T-rex died out bc, lacking selfie sticks, their instagram feeds were less effective

@perlhack

someone is trying to tell me about a time when 50,000 people would get together in one place just to watch a baseball game.

Sounds fake. nice try, I wasn’t born yesterday.

@perlhack

who called it oktoberfest instead of septembeer?

@perlhack

In Twilight, if Jacob just got some therapy maybe he could be a Self-Awarewolf

@perlhack

“Butter me up like one of your French Toast girls”

@perlhack

Maybe the sharks are attacking people bc they think they are made of cake

@perlhack

Goth girls be like “I know a plot” then take you for a picnic in the graveyard at night