The confused head tilt your dog does but me when someone asks me if I want fries or salad.
Looking out the window, some kid on the plane asked why everything was getting smaller. Haha, what a dummy. WE’RE getting bigger. Kids, lol.
Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog?
*I take a deep breath and roll my eyes*
“Oh wow, I see you brought your Legos.”
*huge sigh* LEGO. It’s called Lego.
Time out. Otters not only sleep holding hands, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit.
[Chaperoning field trip]
ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don’t lose any kids.
AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You’re allowed to lose one kid.
The “Ooooo” the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower.
I’m at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.
*date leans in* Tell me something I don’t know about you.
*I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.
ME: What tattoo should I get?
TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection.
ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.