Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of pinupteacher's best tweets

@pinupteacher : The confused head tilt your dog does but me when someone asks me if I want fries or salad.

@pinupteacher: Looking out the window, some kid on the plane asked why everything was getting smaller. Haha, what a dummy. WE'RE getting bigger. Kids, lol.

@pinupteacher: [speed dating]

Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog?

"No."

*I take a deep breath and roll my eyes*

[timer beeps]

@pinupteacher: [blind date]

"Oh wow, I see you brought your Legos."

*huge sigh* LEGO. It's called Lego.

@pinupteacher: Time out. Otters not only sleep holding hands, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit.

@pinupteacher: [Chaperoning field trip]

ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids.

AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid.

@pinupteacher: The "Ooooo" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower.

@pinupteacher: I'm at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.

@pinupteacher: *date leans in* Tell me something I don't know about you.

*I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.

@pinupteacher: ME: What tattoo should I get?

TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection.

ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.