Who called them silk boxers and not ball gowns
*At the bank
Teller: And how would you like your cash?
Me: Non sequential and in a brown bag.
Teller: You asked to withdraw 20 dollars…
Me: Can I still have a lollipop?
I guess all my problems started when my buddy broke his arm over the weekend but Monday there wasn’t any space left for me to sign it
I get it cicadas, I too come once every seven years
If calamine lotion was meant to be shared they’d have called it calaYOURS, Melanie
Unless you want to be immortalized as a sloth don’t let someone take your picture after you eat 2 dozen wings
Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, it’s probably better not to have matching soap and hand lotion bottles on the counter
Carves “you are a doo-doo head” into the car door of my enemy because my sword is mightier as a pen or something like that
*Hiring an electrician
Just so I know you’re qualified, how many eels can you safely hook together and use as an extension cord
*Three fingers stuck in my piggy bank
Firefighters: I’m not sure this is what they meant by stimulating the economy