YOU CANT GROUND ME, THE GOVERNMENT ALREADY DID
What if rocks were bread
Handing out samples at Costco:
“These are mini hand sanitizer/toilet paper sandwiches, they’re really popular right now”
*softly brushes the hair away from your face
“I said it’s my turn to jump in the bounce house.”
TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE DOING SWIMMING UPSTREAM LAST WEEK
God making women: make them sexy and sophisticated but also confusing to operate.
Angel: soooo like an espresso machine?
Boss: how flexible is your lunch today?
Me: *putting my chicken’s leg over his head…
“I think he’s really limber!”
We all have our personal struggles.
Mine today was an argument with my son about why we can’t put a hot hog in the toaster, but then I was like, maybe we could put a hotdog in the toaster…
*Playing pirates with my kids
“I bet if we photo copy the CD cover and use it, we can sell these for more”
I’m white, but not “my kitchen island is so big it has its own zip code” white