@pmclellan

The most important aspect of opening a Chinese restaurant is hiring a good chicken to fry the rice.

@pmclellan

My family doctor says “you really need to lose weight,” and my witch doctor says “moh ki kaa raa.” I think I’ll just moh ki kaa raa tbh.

@pmclellan

Dogs have dandruff and cats have dandmeow. Hi, I’m single.

@pmclellan

Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I’m pretty sure I’m going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip.

@pmclellan

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant.

@pmclellan

I brought my Beats headphones to work, and instead of being left alone, I’ve had 7 rap battles and am in the finals against A$AP Carol.

@pmclellan

Somebody wrote “wash me” on my car. I’m so lazy, I just wrote “no” under it.

@pmclellan

So my drug dealer just died. I’m thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network.