The most important aspect of opening a Chinese restaurant is hiring a good chicken to fry the rice.
My family doctor says “you really need to lose weight,” and my witch doctor says “moh ki kaa raa.” I think I’ll just moh ki kaa raa tbh.
Dogs have dandruff and cats have dandmeow. Hi, I’m single.
Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I’m pretty sure I’m going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip.
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant.
I brought my Beats headphones to work, and instead of being left alone, I’ve had 7 rap battles and am in the finals against A$AP Carol.
So, Tim Cook came out of the cloud?
Somebody wrote “wash me” on my car. I’m so lazy, I just wrote “no” under it.
So my drug dealer just died. I’m thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network.