You: Say something good about 2020
Me: Haven’t been invited to a single wedding this year.
Oh you think I’m funny? Name three of my jokes.
People who get in loud cell phone arguments in public, everyone secretly loves you.
Wife: play your cards right and you’re getting lucky tonight
Narrator: He did not play his cards right
Drove over 3 curbs today (personal best).
Boss: Do you have to be so sarcastic?
Me: Great question Dave.
Turns out the symptoms for “mild heart attack” are identical to those of “having a RL acquaintance make an appearance in your notifications”
*washes your smart car with a moist towelette*