@poutinesmoothie

I once ate a Milk-bone as a kid and was happy I didn’t die so I celebrated by eating five more.

@poutinesmoothie

I don’t usually sing Adele, but when I do, it’s usually on the toilet in the middle stall in the men’s washroom at work.

@poutinesmoothie

I think everyone would benefit if women had Oxford commas instead of periods.

@poutinesmoothie

If you think ghost peppers are hot, you should’ve ate them when they were alive.