People will tell you daughters are less gross than sons.

My daughters started a snail zoo. There are snails everywhere.


My 4yo asserts dominance by aggressively putting snacks in my hand so she can take dance breaks


Me: What are you doing?
Husband: You said you wanted to wake up early
Me: Not this early
H: You don’t even know what time it is yet


If I had known the kind of people my classmates would grow up to be.

I would have beaten a lot more of them up.


9: I want a little personal drone that I can fly in.

Me: That would be a plane.

9: No like a drone with the blades on top that I can get in.

Me: So, a helicopter then.

9: No no small like a drone.

Me: …..


My 4yo is crying because she has outgrown her clothes during quarantine.

Same girl, same.


Dispatch: 911 what’s your emergency

Me: I’m being held prisoner

Dispatch: Do they have weapons?

Me: Just nerf guns and toy swords

Dispatch: Umm ok

Me: They won’t stop eating my snacks

Dispatch: Ma’am, is it your children

Me: …….Maybe.

Dispatch: 5th one today


Me: What are you going to be when you grow up?

4: I’m going to be a mom.

Me: That sounds fun!

4: No, it won’t be.


You think that parenting is going to be all cute quotes and funny memories then you sit down for dinner and your 9yo asks you what you know about the dark web.


Say what you want about nature vs nurture but I don’t remember teaching my 4yo to moon people.