My 5yo tries to get out of sharing her food with me by saying there’s gluten in it.
I’m raising an evil genius.
My 5yo was kind enough let me know that breakfast was gross but she liked the texture
5yo: Mommy if I help pull weeds will you pay me a million dollars?
5yo: How about 6 dollars
I got hustled.
I can’t decide if it’s amazing or terrifying that my two oldest children managed to stop arguing long enough to come up with a secret handshake.
I took my kids to a restaurant for the first time in a year.
Turns out the pandemic was not the only reason I was avoiding taking them in public
I’ve decided that my go to from now on will be
“Sorry my house is a mess my husband is out of town”
They don’t need to know that it’s like this no matter what.
Instead of going to see Godzilla vs Kong I’ll just ask two of my kids to do a project together.
Me: What are you doing sweet girl
4yo: Making my dolls eat brains.
Salesperson: Hi ma’am can I help you?
Me: Yes, I am looking for a kitchen table.
Salesperson: Ok, but why are there 4 baskets of laundry behind you?
Me: I have to make sure my laundry fits on it before I buy the table. Duh.
Does my family really expect me to express my love for them on Valentine’s Day when we’ve been trapped together for months??