@prufrockluvsong

Remember the good old days when everyone was going to hell in handbaskets instead of in flaming runaway mine carts?

@prufrockluvsong

Nurse: strip down to your underpants

Me: ok *removes pants to reveal second pair of pants*

@prufrockluvsong

Me: is everything ok you seem distant

Them: that’s the wrong end of the binoculars

@prufrockluvsong

Me: *changes channel* *changes channel*

Pet hermit crab: no wait go back

Announcer: welcome to house hunters

@prufrockluvsong

my personal injury lawyer: *confused look*

me: ANSWER ME, ARE YOU SEEING OTHER CLIENTS OR NOT

@prufrockluvsong

What if your beverage could lightly choke you? Try boba! Yes, boba. Combining refreshment and near death experience since 1980.

@prufrockluvsong

Looking for mini donuts and mini muffins at the mini mart but everything is normal sized. Like I don’t have enough to deal with right now.

@prufrockluvsong

[ opening music ]

scientist: try not to give each other the zombie virus

everyone: lol

[ roll credits ]

@prufrockluvsong

[cashier slapping the Cool Ranch chips out of my hand]: Oh no you don’t, nerd