@prufrockluvsong: ME: I’ll have the pasta with mushroom, aka the fungus of the woods.
DATE: You know when you say it like that it's not very appetizing.
ME: Oh, sorry! I’ll have the shrimp instead, aka the cockroach of the sea.
@prufrockluvsong: me: I always follow my moral compass
friend who's lost in the woods with me: maybe we should've followed a compass compass
@prufrockluvsong: Wife: could you just run to the-
Edward Scissorhands: you want me to WHAT
@prufrockluvsong: *dies while ironically wearing a fedora*:
oh no, this is part of my forever ghost outfit now
@prufrockluvsong: gossiping friend: don't breathe a word of this to anyone
me: don't worry I only breathe air
@prufrockluvsong: early man: made primitive tools from stone
late man: tries to sneak in without his boss noticing
@prufrockluvsong: earthquakes are just the planet's way of trying to shake us off and I honestly can't find fault in that