Remember the good old days when everyone was going to hell in handbaskets instead of in flaming runaway mine carts?
Nurse: strip down to your underpants
Me: ok *removes pants to reveal second pair of pants*
them: I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT
me: *breaking their glasses* no you won’t
Me: is everything ok you seem distant
Them: that’s the wrong end of the binoculars
Me: *changes channel* *changes channel*
Pet hermit crab: no wait go back
Announcer: welcome to house hunters
my personal injury lawyer: *confused look*
me: ANSWER ME, ARE YOU SEEING OTHER CLIENTS OR NOT
What if your beverage could lightly choke you? Try boba! Yes, boba. Combining refreshment and near death experience since 1980.
Looking for mini donuts and mini muffins at the mini mart but everything is normal sized. Like I don’t have enough to deal with right now.
[ opening music ]
scientist: try not to give each other the zombie virus
[ roll credits ]
[cashier slapping the Cool Ranch chips out of my hand]: Oh no you don’t, nerd