@prufrockluvsong

barista calling out order: Gee Off

Geoff: It’s Geoff. I watched you write it on my cup as I spelled it out to you not five minutes ago

barista: nice try, Gee Off

@prufrockluvsong

Never eat the free guacamole at a sushi restaurant. It’s always waaay too spicy and doesn’t taste anything like avocados.

@prufrockluvsong

I go to seductively boop your nose but my finger pierces straight through the back of your skull.

“Sorry, I’ve been working out.” I say.

@prufrockluvsong

[me, stacking babies on top of each other]

Him: Wha…What are you doin there?

Me: Oh, you know, just building up the infant structure.

@prufrockluvsong

I would do anything for love. But I won’t do that. Or that. That’s not looking good either.

@prufrockluvsong

I refuse to eat pound cake or go to yard sales. It’s metric system or gtfo.

@prufrockluvsong

[returning toothpaste]

Yeahhh, this didn’t hold my husband’s teeth together at all.

@prufrockluvsong

Pro tip: Spice up your next blood ritual by writing all the chants in iambic pentagrameter.